Finding Out – Part I

Forgive me while I indulge in all things baby over the next several blog posts. But I want to write (type?) this stuff down so that we have something to look back on when our memories fail us down the road. If that’s not your cup o’chai I understand. But these memories have already begun to fade and that makes me a little sad. So let’s start from the beginning …..finding out your uterus is inhabited.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Labor Day weekend. A glorious three-day stretch to commemorate the end of summer and beginnings of fall. Leaving work Friday night, I swung by K-Mart ( yes, those still exist) to pick up a pregnancy test with little expectations that the results on this one would be any different. After all, we weren’t um, the best students when it came to baby making. We definitely opted for the lazy a more organic approach.

Fast forward roughly 45 minutes and there is an unmistakable double line. This is met with a momentary sense of elation followed quickly (so, so quickly) by a resounding

“WHAT THE EFF HAVE WE DONE?!!!

All inside my head.

All alone in the bathroom.

And all 10 minutes before Baby Brother would be joining us for dinner.

So naturally, I did what any rational, modern woman who has suffered through a college statistics course does. I immediately dismissed this finding as statistically irrelevant and decided that the next course of action would be to conduct a full investigation, complete with extensive, scientific validation.

I would take another test in the morning.

Yes, yes. My scientist brother-in-law and sister-in-law would approve. What legitimate scientist blindly accepts initial test results? Psshhhawww.

In the meantime, we had dinner plans. Baby Brother had arrived. I hid the evidence. (No need to alarm the husband unnecessarily.) While waiting for Somanna to finish cat litter box duties, I invited Baby Brother to take a quick walk with me. I asked Baby Brother lots of questions, ignored his answers entirely and focused on making sure my head did not spin right off my neck.

And then we went to dinner.

I ordered shrimp.

Uh, Oops.

Saturday, August 31st, very early in the morning…:

Shit! This can’t be right. OMG do not tell me this actually freakin worked?!

A-HA!

Yes, of course….Second test, but SAME BRAND. Rookie mistake.

Must purchase variety of brands to eliminate testing bias. Will have to figure out how to squeeze in a Target trip when our Saturday is already jam-packed with bed shopping, Somanna’s company picnic and meeting up with Raleigh friends in the evening.

When can I start drawing a bell curve?

Saturday night, very late, after drinking copious amounts of water:

Hmm…different brand, but negative result. Is that disappointment? Must consult directions.

“Drinking excessive amounts of water can dilute test results.”

Rookie mistake # 2: failure to execute experiment properly.

Sunday, September 1st, in the early, early morning hours:

Still on brand # 2, test #4 …….annddd the double lines strike again! But I can never remember…is it one or two lines? WTF pee stick manufacturers? Can’t you make it more obvious? How about a flashing neon sign that says “Pregnant Bitch!” or “Congrats! You’re knocked up!” Oh wait…there is a brand that displays words …must purchase asap.

But how? I have a bridal shower to attend today, which will be tricky given the whole drinking thing.

And oh yea….gotta figure out how to tell Somanna about this little scientific hypothesis. It will require some creativity though. After all, he did specify some requirements way back when.

To be continued…..

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