World Cup Fevah!

Sooo we’ve been watching a lot of soccer football this week. Just like 6 billion other people.

Because we’re original like that.

In fact, we just watched the Ghana v. Australia game on our local Hispanic channel Univision.  It’s muy bueno because as you know I am rather fond of The Spanish, and I’m actually fluent in Spanglish. Which means I understand phrases like “arriba!,” “claro!,” “bueno,” and “Gooooaallllllll!!!”  I often repeat the announcer’s words every chance I can, which means my accent tends to have an overly excited machismo slant.  And that’s just the kind of accent that Somanna has always wanted to hear whisper sweet nothings into his ear. His swatting me away love taps with his hand only confirms it.

Starting about a year ago, Somanna became very concerned about how he/we-but mostly he – would watch the World Cup sans cable. Like really concerned. We ditched the magic black box way back in 2005 when we were broker than the Greece government. Sure we could reinstate it now, but honestly we find that we don’t really miss it enough to justify the expense.

(Although I will confess that we indulge in massive cablefest whenever we visit hotels or family members who possess the magic black box. But usually all that gorging only affirms our decision to remain cableless (All the ads! All the crap tv!) and then we’re good for another six months. We do own some very sexy rabbit ears which gives us the main network channels, so we feel like we get plenty of ass widening tv time.)

Tangent aside, our lack of c-c-cable concerned my main man for several reasons . I mean,

1.) It’s the WORLD CUP and it only happens every four years people! Es muy especial.

B.) It’s the first Cup on the African continent, Somanna’s homeland. Not to be confused with the Motherland. Granted he grew up in Zambia and not South Africa. But still, his continental pride runs deeper than Vic Falls.

III.) Dude? Seriously? It’s the friggin’ WORLD CUP! How can you not watch??!

But we held our ground. We would remain firmly planted in 1973 television land with our rabbit ears in tact. We “weathered” World Cup 2006 sans cable, we could make do this go round too. Just like last time, I was confident we could find bars showing the games (plus they serve beer, food and rowdy crowds), interentz streaming live matches and friends we could butter up with beer and food in exchange for a spot on their couch.

This approach appeased Somanna for the most part. He just felt slightly frustrated because most bars don’t open up for those pesky early games and it’s hard to convince your buds that 7 am is a fun time to host your favorite couch crashers.  So for those early games Somanna shacked up with our computer for some live streaming action, which was eh, just OK. Let’s just say he’s had way better.

Enter Univision. On a stroke of luck, my football obsessed husband remembered that we had weeded out the Espanol speaking channel way back when. So he pressed a few buttons and TA DA!! We can watch the 2010 World Cup right from the comfort of our very own red couches. Hello, Time Warner? Yes, you can officially suck it.

Even Freckles got in on the football action.

Queen B-

Her excitement knows no bounds.

Anyhoos,  the point I wanted to make here today is that as the token ‘Merican in this relationship, my perspective of the World Cup differs from my worldly counterpart. So I thought I would share some of these observations with you. I feel a list coming on!! So exciting!

World Cupisms: A Stateside Approach:


1.) We Iz Missing Out – World Cup Fever largely skips over the U.S. of A. And now that I kind of see what a big frickin’ deal it is to oh, the entire rest of the world, it kind of makes me feel like the United States didn’t get invited to the coolest party on the block. I mean I know technically we did. We have a team and they qualified and have played two matches – got robbed in their last one – but it’s like 90% of ‘Merica doesn’t realize we’re missing THE party of the year. And that makes me sad. And also very insecure in a high school sort of way. America is cool right? Right??

2.) They Are A-Running!: Soccer involves a lot of running. Running frantically. And that field looks exceptionally huge. Is this why Americans are fatter? Because we choose sports that require smaller dosages of exertion? Either way it makes me tired. And that’s why I have been slacking on the fitness front.

3.) Heading the Ball – I want to call this “head-butting the ball” but Somanna keeps correcting me. I am in sheer amazement that these players can not only make contact with the ball, but actually move the ball in an intentional and desired direction. I can’t even do that with my hair and it’s attached to my head.

4.) Offsides – I think I get it. Kind of. It makes more sense to me in hockey and I think the concept is generally the same. Why does this concept elude me so?!?! It’s worse than 8th grade math.  And that was an epic struggle. Just ask my mother.

5.) Eye Candy – Ok so I loathe stereotyping and my feminist side is very p.o.’d for even putting this up here, but you know, soccer players aren’t too shabby to look at, mmkayy? In fact, they might just be the best looking group of athletes out there me thinks. Basketball players are giants and American football players are too beefy.  Hmm but baseball boys are nice too but usually chock full of steroids. Plus you know I like the spice so the diversity of the World Cup doesn’t hurt the visual buffet either.

6.) The Music – We’re really digging the music for this World Cup. From Shakira to K’naan, these are some fun tunes. I also think it’s great that everyone has the chance to at least qualify for a World Cup invite, regardless of political situations. It means so much to the average person to see their country in the World Cup. And it’s very commendable to keep the focus on the sport. Points to you FIFA.

7.) The Metric System – Ok so this is not related to the World Cup but it has long aggravated me that we weird Americans use pounds, gallons and inches instead of the Metric system. Hello?! It just makes more sense people! AND the metric systems divides everything by 10! I can do that kind of math! It’s nice and easy and even. Plus if you do your weight in kilos, the number is *magically* smaller. Now that’s a plan I can get on board with.

So that’s my list so far! And Lord knows this thing lasts a whole month. Hopefully the lack of substantial sports commentary will aggravate Somanna enough to offer yall some real World Cup insight (hint, hint). In the meantime, since I was a little harsh on my beloved homeland. I’m going to go wave my flag and celebrate the good things about the USA, like peanut butter and grilled corn on the cob. (Though not together).

Yall have a good weekend!

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13 Comments

Filed under Africa!, Cultural Confusion, GOALS! Soccer and otherwise, Hippie Dippie, Mi Casa, the drama queen

13 responses to “World Cup Fevah!

  1. I am now proud to call you my sister-in-law.

    Brilliant post!

    • I was disappointing you before??

      Glad you liked it. America still rocks – just a little slow on the soccer up take. Hopefully the US will make it through to the next round and that will help gain some momentum here.
      Beth

      • You know – being a yank and all, what with the softball, and bball. When an murican embraces the global game – now we’re talking.

        You rocked before, but now, you’re on a completely different planet 😉

        Now tonight, I’ll head to a pub and try to piss off a lot of brazilians. Hopefully Drogba and co. won’t let me down…Got way too much crap from those dastardly danes last night 😦

        Chittiappa.

  2. Catherine Phillips Ackerman

    Another great Blog! You go Girl!

  3. Elizabeth Wyche

    You light up my life. What a delightful account. Have you considered publishing?

  4. Tone

    Brilliantly witty and funny as always 🙂
    But, girl what kind of invitation do you guys need…. just come on out and play!!!! I think you are just sitting on the fence pretending not to be invited since this is not like the world series in baseball… no winning guarantee here… (what is up with world series in baseball anyway… like the Norwegians making a world series in special event skiing with ice skates…. 🙂

  5. Love it. And while it’s an excellent post & list in a variety of witty ways, I honestly love how your first list is numbered 1. B. III. That kind of made my day 🙂

  6. Mom

    Oh, Bethie you so rock on this post! Love it, love it, love it! I have to admit, I haven’t been diligent in following the games other than Shaloot’s comments on FB and this week end is the US Open. Too many choices! Golf balls don’t move as fast as soccer balls! Much easier on the old eyes.

  7. @ Tone, Brittany & Mama – Glad yall liked it. Too funny I thought this was another random just ok post but apparently it’s a keeper, HAHAHAHA, get it??!

    But seriously yall are making me blush! Thanks for the cyber love!
    Beth

  8. Suresh mama

    Exquisite pen(wo)manship, Beth. It was such a treat to read that blog. Hope one day I get to read a novel written by you. I am very proud of you.

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