Over It

Dear Winter,

We get the point. You are cold. You are wet. You are dark. Above all, you are a nuisance and seemingly never-ending.   I can only assume that you forged on, dumping more snow on folks already sick of it and more freezing rain on me, just to make sure we get the point.

It has been duly noted.

It has been noted by my therapist who has to handle my SAD issues, by the DOT of countless Eastern states and by the poor children (& teachers) who will curse your name as they continue making up days in July.

Perhaps you have occasionally wondered why you are so unpopular? Why the hate?

Please, let me explain.

First of all, you are more expensive. And Winter, in case you haven’t noticed we are in the midst of the Great Recession. This is not a good time to flamboyantly parade about. Heating a home costs a lot more than the reverse and all the daily accouterments your snarky weather conditions require (shovels, coats, hats, scarves, snow tires, ice scrapers, the list goes on and on!), it all takes a hefty toll on the budget.

“But I offer fun winter sports!” you reply. A true statement. Although this past round of Winter Olympics brings to light what humans will deem “fun” while suffering from a severe lack of vitamin D. (The biathlon alone exudes mental imbalance.) Even your more conventional fun requires more dinero than your seasonal counterparts. Skis, ski bibs, snowboards, poles, boots, lift tickets, sunscreen, shades, lodging, travel costs, all add up to a vacation that severely challenges the post-Christmas rebound period. From an economic standpoint, your timing is unwise.

Furthermore, let’s toss finances aside and compare your typical winter ski vacation to a summer beach vacation. Here in Rawllleigh, NC I can travel about 3-5 hours to go skiing. I can also reach the beach in 3-5 hours. However, skiing requires much more equipment, which I have listed above. If I own this equipment, I must lug it with me, a great annoyance. If I rent it, I must pay the equivalent of my 401(k) balance. Finally, your version of “fun” and vacation requires considerable physical exertion to point of risking physical harm. Please note some of the words I have just used to describe your idea of fun: harm, risk, physical exertion. It is my advice that you consult your nearest dictionary, as you will surely find a much different definition for “vacation” than what you currently presume.

However, for a summer beach vacation, one needs very little clothing: a swimsuit, a hat, and a big towel, some sunscreen and a cooler full of beer. Those are the necessities. Other items are merely optional. Beer will replace food and because you have sat in the sun all day, your appetite will be minimal versus skiing which will cause you to eat more, again increasing your costs.

But the bigger point is that you can have a successful beach vacation with this mere handful of ingredients. You cannot, on the other hand, have a successful winter vacation with partial gear. And finally, but most importantly,  you can drink on the beach. You cannot, however, drink while strapped atop long, flimsy overpriced sticks while flying down the side of the mountain. At least it is not advisable, unless one is exceptionally coordinated.

Vacations aside, there is again another major, but natural, drawback to your season: the lack of sunshine. Winter, if you ever hope to compete with Spring, Fall, or your arch nemisis, Summer, then you must reduce your cloud cover and shine that Sun as much as the Earth’s titled axis will allow. Because without it, I and many others like me, suddenly find ourselves standing on top of a bridge ready to fling our pale bodies into the abyss if the water just didn’t look so damn cold.

Winter, I do not shun you completely. Just know that after Christmas and the New Year, you really start to show your age and it’s best if you just pack up and go. Otherwise I might move to Florida and we would lose each other forever. And that’s something that neither of us really wants.

Sincerely and seriously sun deprived,
Beth

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7 Comments

Filed under the drama queen, the weather report

7 responses to “Over It

  1. So incredibly true. Every last bit. Now I want to go to the beach…

  2. Heather Sanger

    Some thoughts (in no apparent order):

    I’m usually okay with with winter until the end of February. But then again, I’m what Jason calls “a cosy-whore”. I mean to tell you that I relish in being cosy. Cashmere socks, soft blankets, hot cocoa, a fire…all beautiful things I see in winter. But when MArch 1st hits, I’m with you. Over it. But…FOR CHRISSAKES DON’T GET ALL CRAZY WITH THIS FLORIDA TALK!

    You’d have to rename your blog. And I happen to think it’s one of the best blog names I’ve come across. But I hate to tell you that most southerners that I know have this to say about Florida: “Nothin’ but a bunch of Yanks down there. It’s so far south, it’s north.” It’s true. Florida is not the south. So you wouldn’t be Peaches any more. Quelle horreur!

    Second, my recommendations for a ski holiday are simple. Leave the skis at home (or don’t rent them) and plant yourself in the lodge. Partake in all the “apres” without the “ski”. Easy peasy 🙂

  3. thekodavaviking

    quit your whining you drama queen!

  4. My parents have had snow on the ground at their house since before Christmas…. BEFORE CHRISTMAS! It’s been crazy cold! I enjoy winter for the first couple of months as well… getting out the sweaters, wearing the fun coats. But yeah, then you get to a point where you just say “damn. It’s cold.”

  5. Agreed! Bring on the beach!!!!

  6. @Erin & Brittany, I’m racing you to the beach!

    @Becky, my parents have also had snow on the ground since before Christmas. It’s crazy!

    @Heather, I agree. Cosy Whore style is the only way to rock winter. I love the boots (!) and the sweaters and hot chocolate. But come March I’m tired of layering and yearn for lighter wear. And SANDALS! Plus the dreary skies really bum me out. I think I could handle somewhere like Colorado where they get the cold, snow and skiing but lots of sunshine! And yes, I am aware that Florida is full of Yankees – Peaches & Curry will not be moving there any time soon. Plus they have big bugs and I’m betting big spiders too.

    @ Mr. C. – just be happy you don’t have to live with me. The whining is pretty intense on gloomy days. I go from Pooh to Eeyeore almost instantly.

  7. Pingback: It’s Hot as Bizalls « Peaches & Curry

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